Date: 2018-04-24 22:37
Adam McKay: Angel, I feel like we're
Adam McKay: I think like there's a
legitimate connection between us,
Adam McKay: and I'm not just saying that
because I want you to sign the
Adam McKay: We all mess up.
Adam McKay: Like, I remember one time in
high *censored* I tried to shotgun
Adam McKay: a beer to be cool and I did it
and then I threw up.
Adam McKay: And like the coolest girl at
*censored* was there and I was like, "Ahhhh!"
God, I used to make crank phone
calls. I got in a lot of trouble for it.
I made mistakes, though.
But I confessed.
I told my parents, I did
the phone calls.
Adam McKay: Now, you shot three people
in the head, execution style.
Adam McKay: Sign the confession, and let's
turn this into a story we laugh
about years later.
Adam McKay: Like, remember the time
Angel shot three guys? Ha-ha!
You're cool, man.
Adam McKay: We should go to a Dodgers
Adam McKay: Do you realize that's
hurtful to me?
Will Ferrell: Shut the fuck up and
get out of here.
Adam McKay: I tried to do this the
nice way, right?
Adam McKay: Now we do this the hard way.
Get the lieutenant.
You just lost the only
friend you had.
Adam McKay: Do you know what they call her?
The confession machine.
Adam McKay: This stuff's about to get
Adam McKay: All I can tell you is that in
three hours you will sign that confession.
Adam McKay: Good luck.
Pearl: Hi Punk.
Pearl: Welcome to my nightmare.
Will Ferrell: Hey look, I don't know what
those two bozo's said to you,
but I'm not signing the confession.
Pearl: This is going to be fun.
Will Ferrell: I'm not afraid of nobody.
Pearl: I'm gonna mess you up punk.
Will Ferrell: Look, I'm not signing
the confession, okay?
Pearl: I break bones and laugh.
Will Ferrell: Hey you're a cop.
You can't do anything to me.
Pearl: Sign the confession!
Will Ferrell: I'm not signing anything
Pearl: I'm losing my patience!
Will Ferrell: I didn't do it, okay?
Pearl: I want my confession.
Will Ferrell: Jesus.
Will Ferrell: You put that badge back on.
Pearl: Now, it's just you and me.
Will Ferrell: Hey, I want a lawyer.
Pearl: I am the law!
Adam McKay: Sorry, man, there's nothing
I can do for you. You brought
this on yourself.
Pearl: I'm gonna bite your nose off.
Adam McKay: She's what we call a "loose cannon."
We don't control her.
Will Ferrell: Don't look at me like that.
Pearl: I get off on this.
Will Ferrell: Come on, lady.
I didn't do nothin.
Pearl: You're going down ese.
Will Ferrell: God you're frightening.
Pearl: Gotta call someone.
Will Ferrell: What're you doin?
Will Ferrell: Who you gotta call?
Pearl: I'm calling 966.
Pearl: Oh wait, I'm a cop.
Pearl: Hi Hell.
Will Ferrell: No.
Pearl: I've got someone coming to you.
Will Ferrell: I don't wanna go to hell.
[PUNCHING AND SCREAMING]
Pearl: Sign that confession!
Will Ferrell: But, I still didn't do anything.
Pearl: Game on homes.
Will Ferrell: Jesus.
Pearl: It's gonna get ugly.
Will Ferrell: You are loco!
Pearl: Look what I found.
Will Ferrell: What are you doin?
Pearl: I'm going to knock your teeth out.
Will Ferrell: Stay over there.
[screaming and punching sounds
Will Ferrell: You broke my goddamn nose.
Adam McKay: Oh, what do you know?
My glasses fell off. I'm blind.
Will Ferrell: You're breaking me down.
Will Ferrell: Fine! I did it! I did it!
I killed all three of them.
Adam McKay: Well, well, well.
What do you know? Now we can talk.
Will Ferrell: Are you happy?
Pearl: You're gonna sign it.
Will Ferrell: I'll sign anything you want
me to just get her away from me.
Will Ferrell: I don't know who blackened your
soul a long time ago, but may
God have mercy on it.
Pearl: There you go.
Pearl: That wasn't so hard.
Pearl: My work is done.
Adam McKay: Good work Lieutenant. I'll see
you. We getting Chinese food tonight?
[Will is crying]
[Will is still weeping]
Adam McKay: If there had been a lawyer here,
we would have all gone to jail.